April 11, 2006 - Rumble Roses XX is very much like that girl in high school that every boy fantasizes over. The one that’s in a league all of her own. She has the perfect body, perfect smile, perfect hair, and perfect friends. She’s always happy and smiling. She walks in slow motion. Sunlight follows her around wherever she goes. Cars on the highway stop to let her glide across. But when she agrees to go out with you, you realize that she smells like an omelet, has the I.Q. of a rutabaga and has probably served time in some San Quenton prison for stalking. Furthermore, she’s obsessive, chatty, annoying, mouthy, hairy in places your grandma Rose doesn’t like to talk about and has no idea what sarcasm, let alone humor, is. And to top it off, her little brother, the one with the braces and the perspiration issues, has your cell phone, home phone and work phone numbers memorized and he’s just discovered the re-dial feature and has somehow gotten a hold of your IM address. Yeah, your friends are all jealous, but your life has turned to pure hell. Still, you can’t quit her. As much as you know that things can only get worse and end tragically, you cannot leave it be. Rumble Roses, for intents in purpose, is just like that perfect fantasy.

Created by Yukes, the Smackdown experts themselves, and published by Konami, Rumble Roses XX is the next-gen update to the infamous PS2 title. While it may appear a sequel, this is truly an update that looks really good and tries to fix all the missteps of the previous edition. Rumble Roses XX (RRXX) is also a game that forgoes all attempts at pretending to be something it’s not. As a society, we hypocritically allows violence of almost any form to be glorified, but the second that something sexual enters the mix (cup of hot coffee anyone?) we chant our prudish mantras and pretend that Paris Hilton/Pam Anderson videos don’t exist and that Lindsey Lohan and Britney Spears sell CDs based on talent. We all recognize that sex sells, but we must always be given an “out” of sorts to carefully justify it. Well, RRXX is a breath of fresh air in the simple fact that it just shoves it in your face, boobs and all. Don’t like it? Don’t play it. Yes, the game uses sex, half-naked women and fetishes of all types to sell its product. Does it demean women? No more than any music video on TV and these are just polygons people, let’s keep that straight.

Much like Dead or Alive Extreme Beach Volleyball, RRXX is as much a sexy collection game as it is an actual sport. Yes, there is a solid wrestling engine underneath it all, but every match is just an excuse to ogle half-naked women grappling each other while earning enough money for that new costume, pose or embarrassing punishment. And yes, every glorious little thing you’ve heard about RRXX is true: there is a photo mode in which you can dress up your wrestler in any unlocked costume, pose her (and her friend as you like) and snap away from any angle. Yes, you can upload/download pictures via Xbox Live, yes you can change physical attributes of wrestlers including bust size and muscle tone and yes, there is a match that allows the winner to pick a demeaning “action” for the loser to perform while you switch camera angles. And you know what? It all works perfectly well and is perverted fun. This game is mature rated and it delivers exactly that type of content.

Make no mistake however; there is a competent wrestling engine to be found here as well. While the move-sets aren’t as complete as typical Smackdown games, the wrestling is no slouch. The problem stems from the fact that not only are the move-sets more bare-bones than WWE games, a lot of the match nuances are gone as well. Rope breaks, weapons under the ring, count-outs, refs, interference, tables, ladders, chairs, etc are all absent. And this, more than the lack of a story mode, is what hurts RRXX the most; the inability to tell a story through the match. You will find yourself playing with certain characters over and over in the hopes of getting title shots and unlocking stuff and you will soon realize that regardless of the arena you’re playing in, which opponent you face or what you’re wearing, the matches all seem to play out the same way. There is very little back and forth going on and once you’ve mastered the art of blocking and countering, matches will seem like a long, foregone conclusion to unlocking content (which incidentally, takes forever).