November 28, 2006 - Some of my fondest memories of playing videogames involve the Sega Dreamcast. Oddly enough, like its name implies, my memories of it seem short, hazy and dreamlike. I remember Resident Evil, I remember Soul Caliber, I remember Crazy Taxi and above all else, I remember Phantasy Star Online. PSO was the first game I ever played with friends that weren't sitting next to me, but who were instead, miles away. There was something magical about having to unplug the phone from the wall to get the 56K modem hook-up to work. I'd have to warn everyone in the house not to pick up the phone to make a call. Phantasy Star Online holds a special place for me. Anyone who's read my Guild Wars review or countless others knows what high esteem I still hold it in. It was a landmark title that really changed the way I looked at videogames as a whole and it made gamers out of many of my friends. Now, five and a half years later Sega gives us the next chapter in the Phantasy Star series; Phantasy Star Universe. Before all the original PSO fans get excited though, it's wise to note that PSU is not the product of five and a half years of evolution. In fact, PSU looks, plays and feels like a game that should have only existed way back when but was released in 2006 as a slap in the face to nostalgic PSO fans just to milk them out of a monthly fee and countless hours of their lives grinding to the next level. Yes, I've rarely been angry about a game in my life, but after playing PSU and really wanting it to be great, I have to admit that it simply fails on all fronts.

It seems that five and a half years were spent trying to add a decent single player mode to PSO. Unfortunately, it's just an overly long, infuriatingly annoying, badly voiced, poorly written tutorial that will last you 30-some odd hours. There's a story involving The SEED (bad guys), the GUARDIANS (good guys) and our HERO Ethan Waber (biggest loser ever in a video game) that is overly predictable, clichéd and boring. While it may start full of promise with neat little anime episode-like "next time on" interludes and feature self-contained "episodes", the story will make you cringe and fill you with complete rage as you sit through yet another asinine exchange between the main characters. And yet, you will have to play through at least four of these episodes before the "extra" mode is unlocked. This is not to say that PSU doesn't feature "some" decent characters, because all the female cast members are fine, it's just that the plot focuses on a Top Gun-like rivalry between two male hot-heads that I wish would have died in the first levels. At the very least, the designers should have given us a tool to create our own character for the story mode instead of giving us The Waber.

Lets completely cast aside the dreadful story mode (which unfortunately has to be completed if Xbox 360 owners want their achievement points) and focus on the "better" aspects of the title. As mentioned, Extra Mode is an unlockable mode that enables players to play the game as if they were "online". In this mode, you will have access to the same worlds, missions and equipment as the online community, but you'll be all alone with AI controlled characters. If it makes you feel better though, you're not missing much. The online portion of PSU is an infuriating mix of grinding and locked content.

The highlight of PSU is undoubtedly its central hub inside the Guardian Colony. Much like in the original PSO, in this area you will be able to see every other PSU player as well as gawk at the beauty and complexity of the architecture. Here you'll find various shops and access to your "room" and you'll be ale to take on missions and party up with other players. Like in hub-towns of traditional MMORPGs, PSU's hub is always bubbling with life, characters running around in various forms of undress and inane dialog cluttering up your HUD. While you have several options for communicating with others, each one feels limited. 360 and PS2 owners (without keyboards) will be forced to use the very small, very slow and very unintuitive on-screen keyboard. And while 360 owners (who share 360-exclusive servers) will be able to use voice chatting, its implementation is not well realized and it's actually easier to just use text macros or not say anything. PS2 owners share server space with PC owners and believe me; it's always easy to tell who has a PS2 without an external keyboard.

Luckily, after creating a party, you'll have very little need to talk. Every mission, level or stage is simply a repetition of the last one you just did and everyone knows the drill after a few tries. The greatest need to communicate stems from the confusion that everyone faces when trying to take on a mission from a counter that has none and then wondering what conditions haven't been met. Which leads to the ultimate problem with PSU: there's no point to it anymore. In all there are three modes of play, all of which feature the same planets, levels and missions. While PSO was a leisurely online time waster that could be played with friends, the prospect of paying for PSU's online portion, which initially had less content than the offline "extra" mode is insulting. While PSU is not considered an MMORPG, you do have to pay a monthly fee to play it. This leads to PSU's biggest fault: it's not worth paying a penny for. There is no evolution to the missions, worlds or levels. There is no exclusive content yet worth paying for. There is no point in playing other than to see a different level next to your character profile. To achieve this you'll have to play the same short, boring, bland levels over and over and over and over (and over and over) again. PSU is mind-numbingly dull and there is no apparent purpose to playing it. Unlike any other game that carries a monthly fee, there is no evolution to be found here, no incentive to really keep playing (and paying) and if you really want to play games with friends, get Test Drive Unlimited (free online servers) or any true MMORPG on the market. Need to pick one? Get WoW, get FFXI, get City of Heroes/Villains, get Lineage 2, get whatever, they're all better than this infuriating mess.