The story goes something like this: Ultimate Universe Wolverine and an Asian version of the T-800 Terminator seek revenge on a well-dressed version of Gunnery Sergeant Hartmann from Full Metal Jacket. Along the way they meet a gal who's a potty-mouthed jailbait cross between Lara Croft and Zoey from Left 4 Dead. Together, they kill feral cousins of the Bloods and the Crips, man-eating plants, and mutants with explosive growths coming out of their butts, in a desperate attempt to get off a planet that's gone to hell.

It's hard to claim there's anything original or unpredictable about the plot or characters of Bulletstorm. But originality, as the gaming industry has proven time and again, doesn't sell. Giving players license to act like douchebags does, and Bulletstorm delivers delightful douchebaggery in spades. Forgive the unusual amount of creative profanity in the following review: I've been playing this game a lot, and it's caused me to fall off the verbal civility wagon.

What saves Bulletstorm from being another forgettable Gears of War/Halo wannabe are two things: great gameplay, and smart, hilarious writing. From their "Duty Calls" ad campaign onward, People Can Fly and Epic Games make it clear that they're not looking to create "realism" or "relevance". They're trying to make a game that's silly, fun catharsis, without the problematic amorality of Grand Theft Auto. On these counts, Bulletstorm scores like a nerd on a drunken cheerleader: it's bloody, stupid, and way over the top, but it maintains an internal morality that means you don't feel too dirty after you play.

From a sales perspective, it would likely have been unwise for Epic to reinvent the wheel while their fans are slavering for Gears of War 3, and Bulletstorm is as much COG methadone as a new IP. If you don't believe that's intentional, take this as proof: instead of Delta Squad from Gears, Bulletstorm features Huxleyesque little brother Echo Squad. But Echo Squad wouldn't be metal enough for Bulletstorm, so they're called DEAD Echo. Commence air guitar squeelies.

Many other elements of Bulletstorm also feel familiar. The game is set on yet another apocalypse-in-progress, with underground levels where radioactivity features prominently. The dudes are grizzled, the enemies inhuman... hell, the central space warship even looks like a giant lancer. Epic clearly knows that a large number of their customers are macho-wannabe spoogeheads who have a limited range of what they'll sample, and who love to proclaim things suck. So Bulletstorm doesn't challenge the player's preconceptions right out of the gate.

Be warned, however: while the two titles have many visual similarities, they play completely differently. Bulletstorm does not have the context-sensitive cover system of Gears. The goal here is to kill creatively and perform "skillshots" for points, which you use to buy ammo and upgrade your weapons. It's a sandbox-light experience within a linear story which can be radically different through multiple playthroughs.

Furthermore, you're armed with a "leash" – an energy whip which pulls enemies toward you and manipulates certain things in the environment -- and the "thumper", which launches all enemies in range into the air. These tools, sometimes used alone, sometimes in combination, unlock such skill shots as:

Mercy: Shooting an enemy in the balls, then shooting or kicking their head off while they scream in pain.
Fire in the Hole: Kicking a stunned miniboss from behind, then shooting him in the butt.
Gag Reflex: Killing an enemy with a shot to the throat.

See a pattern forming here? Good. Pulling off skillshots rewards the player both with points and with funny, disgusting or impressively explosive animations. I admit, I'm partial to the way the Fire in the Hole skillshot results in the dying enemy's exposed ass farting flames and smoke. I also like the "Shocker" electrocution skillshot, and the "Voodoo doll". I'll let you imagine what that one is.